Gentleness
When people address a gathering, they usually begin with the words, “Ladies and Gentlemen.” When the word gentlemen is used, it presumes that men are gentle, as opposed to being rough, rude, indecent, angry, use of force, etc. These are some antonyms of gentleness but we must clearly understand what the word, gentleness, means. Further, Noha Alaa El-Din said, “Gentleness is like decency and beauty – it is fading away from our universe . . . Actually it is being replaced by rudeness, vulgarity, and ugliness.” This is true in some major cities of USA today and in some entertainment/media industry circles. But the children of God need to know what the Bible teaches about gentleness and how we can practice gentleness in our lives. This article is a brief attempt to help us in our understanding and practice of gentleness.
Dictionary definitions of gentleness say that it is, “the quality of being kind, tender, or mild mannered,” “softness of action or effect; lightness,” and “a courteous or chivalrous quality attributed to noble birth.” These definitions are helpful but, is it in accord with Scripture?
When we turn to the Bible, we find that gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit, Gal. 5:22-23. Hence, gentleness is one of the characteristics of God or Christlikeness, which the Holy Spirit produces in a believer who is obedient and surrendered to Him. At the same time, gentleness is mentioned with other fruit of the Spirit such as love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, and self-control. This means that gentleness is different from these characteristics, especially meekness, though there can be some overlap of meaning. In addition to this occurrence, there are four verses of Scripture that tells us of God’s gentleness. King David, after the Lord had delivered him from all his enemies, and out of the hand of Saul, sang a song of praise to God which is recorded in Psa.18:35, ““Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath held me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great.” This is a repetition of what we find in 2 Samuel 22, see v. 36. Then, we read in Isa. 40:1ff, a description of the characteristics of the coming Servant, and how He will come with a strong hand, and His arm shall rule for Him: behold, His reward is with Him, and His work before Him, v. 10. This mighty Servant is then described in verse, 11, that “He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arms, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.” Next, in 2 Cor. 10:1, we read the Apostle Paul referring to “the gentleness of Christ.” Finally, we read the Lord Himself, in Matt. 11: 28 and 29, saying, “Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek (other translations, gentle) and lowly (or humble) in heart; and you shall find rest unto your souls.”
From these instances and the contexts where the word gentle is used, we can understand that God’s gentleness is such that, though He is strong and powerful, yet He considers our struggles and limitations and therefore says and does things calmly, tenderly, and kindly so that it uplifting us. This is illustrated in Psa. 103:13-14. Applied to Christians, gentleness is, despite ourselves (or our strengths) to consider the struggles and limitations of others and therefore to say and do things calmly, tenderly, and kindly so that it uplifts them. This meaning of gentleness will fit verses where it is used: “But the wisdom that is from above is first, pure, than peaceable, gentle . . . ,” James. 3:17; “the servant of Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men,” 2 Tim. 2:24; “not brawlers, but gentle, showing all meekness unto all men,” Titus 3:3; “Let your gentleness be evident to all,” Phil. 4:5. Perhaps the best verse that illustrates the meaning of gentleness and the definition given is found in 1 Thess. 2:7-8, “But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse (other translation, nursing mother cares) cherishes her children: so being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls (lives), because you were dear unto us.”
God’s word to all women on gentleness is found in 1 Pet. 3:3-4, which says, “whose adorning let it not be the outward adornment . . . but let it be the hidden man of the heart, . . . even the ornament of a meek (other translations, gentle) and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”
For all preachers and teachers, Moses tells us how to preach and teach in Deut. 32:2 “my doctrine (other translation, teaching) shall drop as the rain, my speech shall distil as the dew, as the small (other translations, gentle) rain upon the tender herb, and as the showers upon the grass.”
An occasion where gentleness is most needed is in an apologetics setting when we are to “give an answer to every man that asks you a reason of the hope that is in you, with gentleness and respect,” 1 Pet. 3:14-15. Sometimes when non-believers engage Christians and ask challenging questions or even believers holding differing doctrinal positions discuss matters, it has resulted in heated arguments. On such occasions, gentleness and respect is of paramount importance so that the glorious gospel can be presented winsomely. Sometimes, we may win an argument but lose a friend.
Now the problem is, some Christians are not gentle. We may put-on gentleness in society, Church, or at work. But in the home, or where we do not need to keep up the guard, or when playing or watching a game, or whenever there is competition, or if someone hurts or offends us, people, even Christians, can be anything but gentle. Gentleness does not mean being mild, soft, wimpy, lacking discipline, or “lacking a backbone.” Christians need to be clear, firm, courageous, disciplined, and yet gentle.
Do we want to increase in gentleness? For some people, not being gentle has worked and hence there is little or no desire to change, or they find the effort too hard. But for the children of God, there is no excuse because along with other godly characteristics, gentleness like Christ is God’s goal for us, and it should be our goal too. The Holy Spirit can also make us gentle but then the experience may be painful.
How can we practice gentleness in life? One, recognize that gentleness is a divine characteristic. All of us need to grow continually in gentleness. It is the Holy Spirit that produces this fruit in us and hence we need to obey and surrender ourselves to Him. Two, when a Christian is rough, rude, angry, indecent, or use force, the Holy Spirit will convict us about it, and we need to repent. Three, pray asking God to help us to be gentle at all times, and say repeatedly to ourselves, be gentle. Four, give ourselves time between the other person’s actions and our response. Five, use the time to ask or find out or imagine the struggles and limitations of the other person. Six, think of a response in words and actions that are calm, tender, and kind such that it uplifts the other person. Seven, a gentle person still speaks the truth, sometimes even painful truth, but watch the volume, posture, facial expression, and even sarcasm, so that the truth is received. Eight, look around to see if we have overlooked or are ignoring people, or events, or actions, and include/relate to them also with a calm, tender, and kind word or action. Nine, when we fail, apologize. Ten, let us not quit. Keep on pursuing gentleness, for as we increase in gentleness we become increasingly Christlike. May the Lord bless all of us!
Dr. Sajan Mathews